# Sayings around the country



## NebTrac (Aug 12, 2014)

Just curious as to what are different and unique sayings you've grown up with. I hope a lot of these have been passed down through the generations. Thought it would be neat to see what's been said.

Funny, insulting, wisdom sayings... All I ask is that we keep them clean.

For example:

"Dumber than a bag of hammers"

"If the world was as perfect as you, it'd be a great place to live!"

Thanks,

Troy


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## mlappin (Jun 25, 2009)

Not the brightest peanut in the turd

Rain came down like a horse pissing on a flat rock

A few cans short of a six pack

Plant in the dust, your bins will bust (absolutely no dust to plant in this year)

Flakier than a leper colony


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## BWfarms (Aug 3, 2015)

Bless your heart

.... and it has nothing to do with being nice.


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## swmnhay (Jun 13, 2008)

A little twist on some already mentioned.

Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

Dumber then a box of rocks.

Plant when tree leaves are big as a squirrels ear


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## r82230 (Mar 1, 2016)

Worthless as a screen door on a submarine.

Not the sharpest tack in the box.

He/she was never invited to set in front of the bus.

Popular as a fart in church.

I might have been born at night, but it wasn't yesterday.

About as exciding as kissing your sister.

His/her spouse is so ugly, they take them everywhere with them, so they don't have to kiss them goodbye.

Snow in May, makes lots of hay.

And a little twist on Cy's

Plant when lilac leaves are as big as a mouse's ear.

Larry


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## glasswrongsize (Sep 15, 2015)

Worthless as tits on a boar

Raining like pouring piss out of a boot.

Ain't smart enough to come in out of the rain.

Ain't smart enough to pour piss out of a boot even if the directions were on the heel.

(been told this to my face many times) Windier that a sack full of a$$holes

(been told this to my face many times) Windy enough to blow up an onion sack til it pops

Tougher than woodpecker lips

Tighter than dick's hatband

Tighter than a gnat's ass stretched around a rainbarrel

Gooder than snuff and not half so dusty (response when asked how you're doing)

(another response when asked how I'm doing) Doing so damn good, I gotta sit on my hands to keep from clapping

(another response when asked how I'm doing) Ifn I was any better, I'd hafta be twins.

He/SHe's so dang fat, ifn she jumped into the air, she'd get stuck.

I'd like to buy you for what you're worth and sell you for what you THINK you're worth.

(usually body odor) Could knock a buzzard off a gut wagon.

Slicker that a gut

Slicker that owl sh!t

Harder'n a forty dollar crow bar

Meaner'n a snake

&#8230;I could go on for days; I pretty well speak in metaphors and insults as I like to see/make people laugh.

Mark

for folklore (planting turnips), Plant the 10th of July wet or dry; pick 'em the 10th of October drunk or sober.


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## Aaroncboo (Sep 21, 2014)

Smells so bad it could gag a maggot.

Nuttier than a squirrel turd.

Plant when you can sit bare assed in the dirt and be comfortable.

Useless as a fart in a windstorm.


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## luke strawwalker (Jul 31, 2014)

Thought this one was good from a buddy on rocket forum...

"useless as a bowling ball in a swimming pool"...

Like somedevildog I could go on for days... have to think about it and pick some and get back to you... LOL

Later! OL J R


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## endrow (Dec 15, 2011)

Tighter than a bull's ass...


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## endrow (Dec 15, 2011)

Sill about as tuff as when it was mowed..

Plowing the dead furrow shut to start the field "furrow-on"

2 times out around field with sickle mower " cut loose"

First time out around corn field with combine "husk open"

Yet again another time as much.

Replanting corn "Plant- after"


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## mlappin (Jun 25, 2009)

So tight when they fart only a dog can hear it.

Plant when the lilacs bloom.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.


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## CowboyRam (Dec 13, 2015)

He's so tall he could stand flat footed and shit in a dump truck.

He is so dumb he could not find his own ass with both hands, a guide, and a map.

That car has the clearance of a piss ant.

Does not have the brains that God gave a goose.

Mountain Dew it, monkey screw it.


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## haybaler101 (Nov 30, 2008)

She is so ugly, she has to sneak up on the dipper to get a drink

He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch.

He is so tight he squeaks whe he walks.

Colder than a well digger's ass.

Hotter than the hinges of hell.


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## haybaler101 (Nov 30, 2008)

Cold enough to freeze the balls off of a brass monkey.


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## Swv.farmer (Jan 2, 2016)

He is sharp as a rat turd on both ends.
Colder than a witches tity in a brass bra.

He could not stick his finger up his ass with 3 people helping him.
Sorry than whale shit.
Talking to you is like talking to a fence post.
Dumber than ???? shit.


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## Farmerbrown2 (Sep 25, 2018)

If I had only been born rich instead of good looking.


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## rjmoses (Apr 4, 2010)

Well, damn! That didn't work.

Ralph


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## swmnhay (Jun 13, 2008)

Laying it by- the last time cultivating corn.

Plant early,plant often.

If you're not first you're last.Which is a favorite saying of a guy that is always pushing early planting but he gets to replant some a lot of years.So he gets to plant often.


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## rjmoses (Apr 4, 2010)

Hand me that bigger hammer.

Ralph


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## swmnhay (Jun 13, 2008)

rjmoses said:


> Hand me that bigger hammer.
> 
> Ralph


thats a BFH.


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## JD3430 (Jan 1, 2012)

"Hold my beer and watch this!"
"I may have been born at night,,, but not last night."
"You workin today!?" (Said to anyone who appears to be slacking on the job)
"Mornin' Sunshine!!" (Said to the last guy to show up for work, the one who looks like he just got out of bed)


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## slowzuki (Mar 8, 2011)

Come on to her sideways - pull harder
Just a piss cuttin her - going faster
Off in the roses - got off track either talking or driving
Keep her betweeen the ditches - when someone is drifting lanes
You gilpoked her - when something in front of you sticks into the ground and fetched you up ie carrying a long stick or if a wagon comes unhitched and pole digs into the ground


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## SwingOak (May 19, 2014)

One phrase I've heard since moving here five years ago that might be unique to Wisconsin - or at least the upper Midwest - is referring to a kind and decent person as a "good shit".

"Yeah Frank came over and helped me get the baler running."

"Well, that was nice of him to do."

"Yeah that Frank, he's a good shit."

"Yeah he is. His wife's a good shit too, she's the same - she'd do anything for anybody."

Leave it to the land of cheese (and beer) to equate the quality of one's character to a pleasantly successful bowel movement...


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## slowzuki (Mar 8, 2011)

That's used in parts of Canada too.



SwingOak said:


> One phrase I've heard since moving here five years ago that might be unique to Wisconsin - or at least the upper Midwest - is referring to a kind and decent person as a "good shit".
> 
> "Yeah Frank came over and helped me get the baler running."
> "Well, that was nice of him to do."
> ...


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## Vol (Jul 5, 2009)

That fella is richer than 3 feet up a bulls ass.

That boy is so skinny he has to run around the shower to get wet.

That girl is so ugly that when she sits in the sand, cats try to bury her.

That man is so tight that he throws quarters around like they were manhole covers.

Regards, Mike


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## PaMike (Dec 7, 2013)

You workin' hard or hardly workin'?

He hasnt seen the game since the kickoff

You're a few fries short of a happy meal.


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## glasswrongsize (Sep 15, 2015)

If brains was gas, you wouldn't have enough to propel a piss-ant's skateboard around the inside of a cheerio.

If brain's was dynamite, you couldn't blow your nose.

You need to have a piece of plexiglass installed in your stomach...that way you can still see with your head so far up your &#8230;.

Your brain in a thimble would be like a BB in a freight car.

I WAS going to be a liberal for Halloween, but my chiropractor couldn't get me limber enough to stick my head up my &#8230;.

My favorite one to young children goes like this:
ME: How old are you?
Him/her : Ten
ME: You kids have it too dang easy these days, by the time I was YOUR age, I was already twelve.
You get some PRICELESS looks out of the kids that get it.

Mark


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## Shetland Sheepdog (Mar 31, 2011)

That guy's so cheap, he'd squeeze a buffalo nickel to get the manure for his garden!

Dollar waiting on a dime! (said when helper isn't fast enough)

Six men up a guy stub, and no hand line! (said when unprepared for job)


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## CowboyRam (Dec 13, 2015)

Here is one that come out of dad's mouth today: I would not take 14 of those even if I had room, up my butt that is.


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## NebTrac (Aug 12, 2014)

Forgot about this one.

About a guy who buys big equipment but doesn't like spending money on the small stuff to make life easier.

"He's penny wise and pound foolish."

Troy


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## JD3430 (Jan 1, 2012)

Couple more:

"Cummings" instead of "Cummins" (Diesel engine)

" nK" instead of "OK". 
Q: "Want to go down to Louie's bar for a beer?" 
A: "nnK"
And one of my my all time favorites, used only in South Philly and a County next to it called Delco where they say "keller" instead of "color". Like someone will say to you, "that's a really pretty keller", instead of "that's a really pretty color"


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## SwingOak (May 19, 2014)

There's a "shorthand" here too, which took me a while to figure out...

Like when one guy says to another guy, "Hey guy, want to go tavi this aft?"

"Sure guy, let me finish this here one time and I'll be by you"

Meaning, "Do you want to go to the bar this afternoon for a beer?", and "Yes, when I'm done with what I'm working on, I'll meet you at your place".

Tavi = tavern

Aft = afternoon

It was sort of confusing to someone like me from the east coast, but I like it here!


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## Palmettokat (Jul 10, 2017)

One I heard mostly from my Dad was: 
"they would not work in a pie factory". Meaning nothing would suit him. Or no job was good enough for them.

One thing I like about our country is the local terms and yes accents. Living in the South still enjoy a true Southern accent which sadly is less and less here and the Boston and some others.


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## RockmartGA (Jun 29, 2011)

"Day late and a dollar short"

"He'd have to tie a pork chop around his neck to get the dogs to play with him."

"I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole."

"That's like pissing over a ten rail fence."

"I'd rather be in Hell with a nail in my foot."

"Useless as tits on a boar hog."

"That girl could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch." (Okay. I'm going to stop with that one....)


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## CowboyRam (Dec 13, 2015)

A mule can't help it that his daddy is a jackass

A wise man speaks because he has something to say, a fool speaks because he has to say something.


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## luke strawwalker (Jul 31, 2014)

Palmettokat said:


> One I heard mostly from my Dad was:
> "they would not work in a pie factory". Meaning nothing would suit him. Or no job was good enough for them.
> 
> One thing I like about our country is the local terms and yes accents. Living in the South still enjoy a true Southern accent which sadly is less and less here and the Boston and some others.


Yeah I remember as a kid when we went to my aunt's place in South Carolina... once you got into Louisiana it was like a different language... which was distinct from Mississippi, which was different than the accent of Alabama folks, which was different from Georgia, where the "southern drawl" was an art form, and similar in South Carolina (my aunt and her family lived in Iva, near Spartanburg, and just over the Georgia line from Lake Hartwell...)

I mean it was hard to even understand what folks were saying over there "in the South"... I mean, us *Texans*, we talk "normal"... we don't have an accent (LOL...) But it *used* to be a LOT different back then... I guess a lot of it was the "older generation", and since that generation and the one after it is gone now, and with all the "carpetbaggers" and other "imports" that have moved into that part of the world, it has REALLY diluted the old accents and local dialects to the point that it's a mere shadow of even what it was in the mid-70's when I was a kid...

Course, I got an education when I had a girlfriend in New Jersey and went up there for the first time... I had driven all night and arrived about 5 am in town, so I parked at the far end of the local grocery store parking lot and grabbed a couple hour nap. Then when the store opened about 7 I went in to get a dozen roses to surprise my girlfriend. Course I was tired, but I went into the store and looked around for the plants and stuff... and couldn't find it... So after wandering around the store a few minutes, I saw a woman doing some stocking on the shelves, and I walked up to her and said, "S'cuse me, maam, but can you tell me where yall keep the flowers?" I guess it sounded funny to her, because she said, in a perfect "Edith Bunker" Queens brogue, "What, FLY-UHZ?? Like for a PAH-TEE??" (flyers for a party)... In fairness due to my tiredness I probably said something that sounded more like "FLARS" than "Flowers"... I said, "No maam, flars, like daisies, and pansies, and roses, and violets and stuff like 'at..." She doesn't miss a beat, and in her Edith Bunker voice says, "Oh, you mean FL-Oww-UHzzz... Oh, they're over on aisle five hun..." I replied, "Thank ya" and went on my way...

They seemed to think my accent was quite amusing. I don't think I even have one. Course all their accents were plenty funny to me as well...

Later! OL J R


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## Palmettokat (Jul 10, 2017)

Got to see a man about a horse or dog.

Was told also used in Conn.


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## Shetland Sheepdog (Mar 31, 2011)

Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road!

Nothing between here and the north pole but a barbed wire fence --- and it's been cut!


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## Shetland Sheepdog (Mar 31, 2011)

swmnhay said:


> thats a BFH.


Cy, You referring to that micro-adjuster?


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## Ox76 (Oct 22, 2018)

Colder than a well digger's ass.

Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra.

Hotter than a half fu&^ed fox in a forest fire.

Sweating like a ni^%er trying to read.

Sweating like a whore in church on confession day.

Sweating like a ni^&er in a three piece suit in court.

Slicker than snail shit.

Slicker than snot on a hot tin roof.

Slicker than goose shit on a pump handle.

He's so dumb he don't know his ass from a hole in the ground.

He's so dumb he couldn't find his ass with both hands, three mirrors and a flashlight.

Talking to you is like talking to that tree over there.

That's like putting an elevator in an outhouse - it just don't belong.

That's dumber than a screen door in a submarine.

That tractor/truck/car/whatever runs like a raped ape.

That field's so rough I was bouncing around like a whore on a sack of apples.

That truck rides as bad as a lumber wagon.

And a few more I just caint seem to remember...years of farming and trucking has let me hear lots of them.


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## Shetland Sheepdog (Mar 31, 2011)

Uglier 'n a mud fence!

Danged old fool don't know enough to suck allum, and drool!


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## seventyfourci (May 13, 2014)

I know its a old thread but....... He ain't worth a half a cup of warm pi*_.....It's colder than a mother in laws kiss....It's hotter than teenage love (best I remember).... She so fat she can pull her panties down to her knees and there is still pu**_ in them....Hold my beer translates to get a camera....To anyone with a bandage on their finger more so if it is on their thumb I knew if you pulled it out of your ass you would hurt the mofo... Working hard or with one?... I would not pi** in their ass if their guts were on fire.... You are just like a pipeline welder I can tell one a mile off I get them up close and I can't tell them a fu**ing thing.... That's all folks... FOR NOW


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## seventyfourci (May 13, 2014)

Forgot another... pointing at a young person...That is the sperm that won....


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## PaulN (Mar 4, 2014)

"As the days grow longer, the cold grows stronger."
This refers to December 21. Very true.


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## rjmoses (Apr 4, 2010)

Local saying from the River Rats: "F*** 'em all and feed 'em catfish heads!" Kinda crude, but.....

Ralph


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