# A few funnies



## stack em up (Mar 7, 2013)

Thanks to Paul at Rock Valley Hay Auction for having a sense of humor.

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothes that I would like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw them in the trash? That would be much easier.
W: But there are poor starving people who could really use these clothes.
H: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothes is not starving.
*Husband is currently recovering from a head injury.

This is a true story of a poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls out a Mayday. *Mayday! Mayday! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don*t know how to fly. Help me, please, help me!* She hears a voice come over the radio saying: *This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I have had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position.* She says, *I*m 5'4" and I*m in the front seat.* (pause) *Ok* says the voice on the radio....*Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven....

Me: It's not about how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up.
Cop: Yeah, that's not how field sobriety tests work.

The officer said, "You're staggering."
I said "You're quite handsome yourself."
We just laughed and laughed... I need bail money.


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## Aaroncboo (Sep 21, 2014)

Need to make a topic of these kind of jokes. Be nice to have a light hearted and fun topic to laugh at. Lol


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## danwi (Mar 6, 2015)

I just finished my 4th book during the lock down now I need a new box of crayons before I start the next one.


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## stack em up (Mar 7, 2013)

A few more courtesy of Rock Valley Hay Auction

My wife's birthday is in two days and she told me that she would be happy as long as I got her something with lots of diamonds in it. She's gonna love this pack of playing cards

I tried the Japanese method of decluttering where you hold every object that you own, and if it does not bring you joy, you throw it out. So far I have thrown out all of the vegetables, the electric bill, the scale, a mirror, and my treadmill

Top 10 Reasons why Farm Trucks are Never Stolen:
10. They have a range of about 20 miles before they overheat, break down, or run out of gas.
9. Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out.
8. It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains, syringes, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab.
7. It takes too long to start, and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision.
6. The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean.
5. They're too easy to spot. The description might go something like this: The driver's side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc.
4. The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if you're being chased. You could the mirrors if they weren't cracked and covered with duct tape.
3. Top speed is only about 45 mph.
2. Who wants a truck that needs a year's worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in body work, tail-lights and windshield.
1. It is hard to commit a crime with everyone waving out you.


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## danwi (Mar 6, 2015)

A little humor sad but true perspective I was looking at a dead Ash tree in the yard yesterday and thinking at least the corona virus isn't as bad as the emerald ash borer.


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## Aaroncboo (Sep 21, 2014)

Funny pic


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## Uphayman (Oct 31, 2014)

I can't make this stuff up........


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## stack em up (Mar 7, 2013)

After digging to a depth of 10 feet last year outside Buffalo, New York, scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles, California, archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside. Shortly afterward, a story in the LA Times read, "California archaeologists, reporting a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, a local newspaper in St. Paul, Minnesota, reported, "After digging 30 feet in his pasture near the community of Lake City, Minnesota, Ole Olson, a heck of an engineer and a self-taught archaeologist, and his friend Sven, reported that they found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, "Minnesota had already gone wireless."
Just makes a person proud to be from Minnesota


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## r82230 (Mar 1, 2016)

Went in to a hairdresser to get my hair cut, she ask how I wanted it cut. I told her what ever would make me look better. She proceed to go into the back room, she came out in a little while, swigging on a half empty bottle of wine, told me she was working on making me look better.  Lucky for me, it only took one bottle of wine, wonder how many it would have taking for you.  :lol: 

Larry


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## Ox76 (Oct 22, 2018)

Only a lifelong and accomplished alcoholic could handle the amount of booze that it would take to make me look better!


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## Aaroncboo (Sep 21, 2014)

Or in my case my wife has terrible vision without her glasses. So I look good here and there. Lol


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